Frankenstein’s Peanut Butter

It is interesting to note American’s affection for peanut butter. I had never heard of “Peanut Butter” growing up. To a foreigner, it conjures a very unlikely mental image. To say that my husband likes peanut butter is to say Ben and Jerry ‘liked’ ice cream. Dissatisfied with both the peanut butter options he could find on store shelves and the recipes he found on google, my husband decided to bring his own peanut butter vision to life. For several months, he conducted experiments with peanut butter. Images of scales, pipettes and test tubes would be wrong, but not by much.

…It began harmlessly enough. He googled several peanut butter recipes, chose one- didn’t like love the results- but now peanut butter creation has begun…

He tried to bake the peanuts for the next batch in the oven. But should he remove the papery skin from the peanut (which remains after the outer shell is removed)? That required one batch with no skins, one with all the skins and another batch that was half and a half. I knew skin is removed after peanuts are roasted, but my advice was ignored at first.

Other experimental batches:

• Experiment with Almonds instead of Peanuts:
  -All Almonds
  -Half Almonds / Half Peanut Butter
  -⅓ Almonds ⅔ Peanuts
• Adding Sweeteners: Sugar, Honey, Maple Syrup, Agave Nectar
• Oils: Saffron, Canola, Olive

After many, many batches of peanut butter ground in our Cuisinart my husband was closing in upon his goal: Manly Peanut Butter. A Peanut Butter which was fit for a Hunter Gatherer. A peanut butter a man would be proud to put in his PB&J with jam specially bought in a Farmer’s Market. (Somewhere there is my mirror twin- a wife who believes she lives with a crazy Manly Jam Man).  (P.S. Please do not ask my husband his opinions on jelly vs. jam.)

He decided his masterpiece must include chile. And bourbon. This necessitated grinding fresh Habanero Chile and soaking the chile in bourbon for a week to extract the essence. (He had to buy just the right bourbon for this. I don’t think it mattered. He argues that bourbon is more American than Vodka, I don’t disagree- but I don’t think the peanut butter cares.)

Please note this guide which advises“extreme caution” in the preparation and eating of Habaneros (they had the right kind of ‘hotness degree’). The husband wore chemistry goggles and purple gloves in the kitchen. The goggles were saved after his college chemistry class, for just such an occasion. The gloves had undoubtedly been ‘liberated’ from the hospital he worked at. The ethics of Dr. Frankenstein were surely no less questionable. We already know how his experiment ended.

Eventually the bourbon soaked habanero chile was ground into the perfect mixture of roasted peanuts and almonds (2:1)- saving a portion to add to the end ‘for crunchy peanut butter), half of the peanuts with their skins on, a dash of sea salt and a dash of canola oil. Add all of the above and grind and grind and grind until the proper consistency- then add the portion of reserved peanuts/almonds and grind for just a few seconds more to achieve the right amount of ‘crunchiness.’ (Apparently real men don’t eat creamy peanut butter, but they do like bananas in their pb&j sandwiches.)

My husband wasn’t entirely happy with the results. He thinks next time he will soak the chile in oil instead of alcohol. And use more Chile. But he is already starting to think about his next line of experiments: manly bread making.